I have accomplished the first step to uncovering the truth mentioned in thoughts long unspoken. I contacted the record keeper at the police department in the city where my father was killed. I spent yesterday in a place I haven’t been in a very long time, a place where my anxiety was in control. Every part of me felt like I was drowning. The report that was supposed to be faxed to me didn’t arrive until 10:00 this morning. I was terrified. What did the report say? What if it ended up in the wrong hands? What would people think of me? Do I deserve their remorse? Their pity?
When I saw the pages, I was relieved. That was, until I started counting the names of the suspects. The two men that I had decided to forgive so long ago, believing in some realm they were innocent, only defending themselves and their twisted sense of honor, suddenly multiplied. 5 suspects – 3 women, 2 men. 5 people joined together to brutally beat my father ultimately causing his death.
First, I became sick. I was reading other people’s view of the night my father died. Then I became angry. Angry at my father for getting out of his car. Angry at the 5 people for everything they did. Angry at the police department for going to the wrong place first. Angry at the government for not teaching the ignorant people in the world how to SPEAK instead of FIGHT. And, angry at myself for not asking questions sooner.
Finally, I started to question. Who are these people who claim to have known my father? Who is this mystery woman with no name listed as my father’s fiancé. I hadn’t even known he was engaged. And finally, why did he die at that hospital?
As difficult a journey as this may be, I will continue my search for the full truth. For now, I will hold on to my questions and cherish the new-found knowledge I possess.