My Life and the Nutshell It Lives In


I never thought life would be so hard. You watch other people and think “they have it so easy. Why can’t I have that?” It never truly hits you that they are thinking the exact same thing about you. Life sucks. Then you die. End of story. You have to learn to live with what you have. What do I have? Yeah… It seems like every time I get prepared for something, get to feeling like everything is going pretty smoothly, life happens. I hit the proverbial brick wall. Sometimes, though, life is better than you think it could be. You get blessed. That usually is a rare occasion. It happens to some people more than others. Though, usually, the people who it happens more to don’t realize it. My 21st birthday was yesterday. Do I feel any different? No. Do I feel more “grown up” now that I am considered an adult in all definitions of the term? No. My mom has always said that I was born 21 and have been getting older ever since. I’m not sure how exactly she calculates the age, she but mostly says I’m the equivalent of a 45-year-old: old enough to know better, but young enough not to care. Most people see their share of hard times throughout their lives. I hope I’m pretty close to hitting my quota by now. But, I hope for the best and prepare for the worst, as always. How do you prepare for the worst? Sure, you can think of all the bad things that COULD happen, but you never really think of the ones that WILL happen; like getting cancer: cancer of the will. One “bad cell” and the right environment and you become a breeding ground for tumors. They haven’t quite figured out how to cure that one yet. My sister is an artist. It is fun to watch her work. She varies from standing just a few inches away from her project to across the room. Maybe that’s the outlook we should take on life: stop worrying about the details and look at the big picture. But, if we focus on the big picture for too long, we lose the reasoning behind it all. The details. I can’t draw a straight line on a piece of paper, though, so you can’t take my word on things. Lately I have been reading through some of the things I have written in the past. You know, we don’t give teenagers enough credit. They are pretty insightful. It’s like innocence allows you to look at the world through an uninterrupted glass pane. When we get old, it’s like life has taken sandpaper to our glass. We can still see, but everything is fuzzy. Maybe we should listen to those kids more because they have a clearer view. I haven’t thought about things like this in a while. Most likely, this is all just my brain working in overdrive. Bottling things up for so long it’s taking any opportunity it can to spit out every thought while it can. Well… That’s all I have, for now at least. One of the draw-backs to having poor memory, it’s hard to stay on track.



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